In our society, you’re not shit if you’re not in a romantic relationship, yet society doesn’t equip us out the gate to make them work.
We see ourselves as incomplete without a romantic relationship, yet for many of us, romance is our salvation… Our healing comes in working to heal our partner and wouldn’t come in any other form. For me that’s where we have romance so fucked up.
So much of our healing, self-work and the will to do it is tied to a partner. But that’s really only the case mentally and with regard to our values; in actuality we subconsciously seek healing through various types of relationships: friendships, work relationships… Hell, even by frequenting the same cashier.
We just don’t consciously value them the same way we value our our romantic relationships.
So when the going gets tough (or we get romantically comfortable), we abandon these relationships and the healing that was taking place within them. We drop the friend who annoys us like our sibling, or cousin. We sever ties with the mentor or boss whose criticisms sting like our aunt or uncle’s. We avoid the cashier who reminds us of our younger self.
In de-prioritizing non-romantic relationships we rob ourselves of opportunities for healing AND THE JOY of other relationships. We negate the training ground that is our ENTIRE LIFE – – with or without a partner.
Given that, is it any wonder why we feel so neglected when our friends boo up or settle down… Or why so many of us find ourselves with so few friends after doing the same? Is it really surprising that despite happy romances, so many of us are miserable and disconnected?
Our will to heal and our overt bids for connection can’t continue to be reserved for romance. There’s more to life than that and frankly… That’s too much to expect one type of relationship to bear.